So you have paternity leave?

For many fathers, the thought of staying at home for a long while to spend time on paternity leave, often means unplugging a little from the work environment. The time left to spend bringing along a little baby, with all the needs and care that that entails, often means a change in mental trajectory. What do you do with the time?

My wife and myself with our first son Josiah in Wales

At first a little baby sleeps a lot, they need milk, often the diaper needs changing, but for now, it's very simple, they cry for only their most immediate needs and are quiet, leaving a father a lot of time to contemplate not being at the office. That can often lead to it's own angst and desire to get back, but wait hold on, there is so much to raising a little baby, that in the desire to be back with the action, means you may miss out on so much in the precious time away. Firstly, if you haven't already attended a parenting class in the run up to the babies birth, then attending this free course often given by the mid-wives at the hospital in the run up to the birthday, it is worth going to, if only to see you are not alone; which in-itself is most gratifying.

My son was born in the summer at Bronglaise hospital in Aberystwyth Wales. It was a moment I will never forget, like many fathers going through the very first child birth, you are utterly helpless in many ways, until the baby is actually born and even then, you feel every second tick by as you grow to understand the baby is in good health, will not break the moment you touch or pick them up and is generally on the way to good steady healthy growth. That is not before I attended a parenting classes with my wife and although at first was a little skeptical, I found my self asking questions almost involuntarily, like every other parent attending. In the classes given by two seasoned midwives, I learned all that I needed to make the experience far less traumatic. Being educated in the correct ways to prepare baby milk, to wash a baby, to know what to expect in baby poop; and it's a massive relief to know that the babies diaper is filled with the expected consistencies of waste as to the ever growing list of how and what, is the comfort in knowing, if you have the basics of care correct, nature lovingly takes it's course.

The course itself though can take you through the very good basics of what to buy and do during the early first stages of baby development, the first few months. After the first few months, the experiences build a parent for each of the latter months, the internet being a great help for researching any thing that could come up as a question from then on.

If you have taken the parenting class, you are armed with most of the things you will need to know and do as a first time parent or even experienced parent; but then what, making cups of tea and listening for the blessedly strong lungs call for more warm milk?
I have been a stay-at-home-father for a little under four years this March 2014, I have enjoyed almost every minute of it. There is so much to do during a day with babies to toddlers.
If you are home with your wife, the load just halved and you are probably able to squeeze a little afternoon sport watching and paper reading into your paternity afternoons. However my wife was very tired after the birth as most new mothers are, so I made myself extremely useful, by cleaning around the home regularly, cooking, laundry, shopping; getting a large supply of diapers, baby infant milk, cleaning wipes, all this ready for the weeks ahead. I prepared as much of the milk as possible, feeding during the night as required by a new baby, changing the diaper as often as possible and reading to my new child. That's right the time I had spare, I would use to cuddle to my new son, read to him and generally sit with him during his sleep. I could not take my eyes of my new son, when he was born, maybe that comes naturally but for me, to know he was doing well, meant he would grow up in a little more stability and strength, at least knowing the tale of the "Three-little-pigs" of by heart.
My wife and me, bonded to a whole new level when Josiah was born, we learned to sing songs together to almost harmonize to get him to sleep at night, to take it in turns to rock him, both in his crib and in our arms. Taking him for walks around the warm summery paths in Wales in a chest carrying harness, each of these little things made his sleep at night just a little easier.

I was also attending job interviews at the time and would be away from home through the day sometimes, but in the evening I would make sure to be their to assist of even take over if necessary in his daily care. The time I had off as a new parent in paternity, was probably the most precious time I have ever spent doing something invaluable for someone else; my son, he may not remember everything that made his upbringing that little more comfortable, but that is not the important thing, that as a dad, I did as much of the right thing as I humanly could means I feel that much closer to him and his daily achievements.

Using time teaching Josiah and Jacob to swim

Paternity leave by itself is no answer to all the upbringing needs of a new child, however, by using the time to bond with mummy and baby, by taking responsibility for care and even chores, giving your child all the spare time you have, you will have made the most precious investment of all; your child's ultimate well being.

If you have paternity leave, use it as wisely as you can, plan it like the most detailed project and expect to get messy. Enjoy every burble and feeding time; when you first hear the words "daddy", you will smile a lot.